The Loud Voices Inside Our Heads
What narratives are you carrying? What are the voices inside your head?
A few weeks ago, Pastor Yolando Roberson at Kingdom Life Christian Fellowship in Savannah, GA, preached a sermon on “Don’t Let it Get in Your Head” (https://www.youtube.com/live/pLsHu959OBk?si=PQ7owLuk0aH5tSGr), a few weeks after this sermon I went to Woman Evolve, talk about two back to back experiences of learning to surrender narratives carried in my head and body. As I sat through these powerful and Kingdom moments, I listened, scribed, cried, surrendered, shouted, and absorbed the messages; I knew it was time to surrender these false and hurtful narratives! Although I had worked hard to move past my insecurities, truthfully, there were still some narratives of rejection that I was carrying, weighing me down.
The voices tied to these narratives have long interfered with God’s purpose and plan for my life and created substantial barriers between myself, others, and the world. My ability to trust, express vulnerability, and receive love was a severe consequence of these narratives. The difficulty has been navigating past and through these voices and not allowing them to occupy territory in my head, heart, and life. These voices were developed in response to years of unresolved insecurities related to a fear of rejection, fear of inadequateness, fear of disappointment, fear of commitment, fear of betrayal, and abandonment. These narratives created by these voices skewed my view of myself, others, the world, and God. I can personally recall many moments in my life when I couldn’t move forward and was stuck seeing myself as unattractive, unlovable, unqualified, and undesirable. Some of this may resonate with others, but others may judge what I am sharing; however, to silence these voices, I am learning to release them by sharing my truth, which has released me from shame, caused me to come out of hidding, and released me from cycles of emotional turmoil, bondage, and chaotic and dysfunctional relational patterns.
Over the past several weeks, I have studied my notes, journaled, and cried, just wondering how I got here. Not to a physical space but a mental and emotional space of being stuck and carrying these narratives with me in every relationship, career opportunity, and new accomplishment. I honestly cannot remember when I created these narratives, but I’ll never forget when I surrendered these narratives. I am thankful that I decided to let them go because, honestly, at 42, they would be too heavy and exhausting to take into another chapter of my life. I know with certainty that there were countless moments when my voice was louder than God’s; it was such a dangerous space. I’m confident these narratives played out in past relationships, environments, and interactions. In those moments, I was too stuck, reluctant to accept change, unwilling to move, or fearful of the next, which created barriers and stiffened my relationship with God and others, caused me to people please, make impulsive decisions focused on surviving versus thriving, and caused me to trauma bond (that’s a different story for another day 😮💨 ).
What happens when we surrender these narratives will blow your mind; for myself, just letting go of the narrative that it was my responsibility to save others because no one saved me has allowed for transparency with my significant other about a weighty event I experienced in college that derailed me and started my pessimistic view of men. Surrendering the people-pleasing narrative has shifted how I make decisions in the workplace, how I lead, how I love God, myself, and others, how I set boundaries, and how I live out the fruit of the spirit in my life. Surrendering these narratives continues to be a journey for me; I do not believe there is a destination for surrender until we reach Heaven!
With Love,
Qwanquita T. Wright
CEO, Focusing on Self
