Take off Your Superwoman Cape
I wanted to share the last Wellness Wednesday I wrote for the Graced for This Community, operated by Kenitra M. Mason. This is a must-read and requires some in-depth processing and journaling.
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The Superwoman Schema (SWS) is not just a term but a significant construct that encapsulates the collective experience of Black women. It underscores their expectations to embody strength, suppress emotions, resist vulnerability, succeed despite limitations, and prioritize others over themselves (Christy L Erving et al., 2024). In simpler terms, it's about always being everything to everyone but neglecting oneself.
So where did we learn that we need to be superwoman to be seen, heard, understood, or respected? During childhood or early adulthood, many of us likely learned to operate from a mindset of enduring strength, never resting, carrying the grind-hard-as-you-can attitude, and never letting anyone see us cry. As an adult, the superwomen schema is damaging to our psychological wellness, intimate relationships, personal and professional development, and physical health. Eventually, our superwoman caps, created from the SWS, become heavy as we forcibly hide parts of ourselves, suppress our emotions, lie to the world about our well-being, hide behind our accolades, engage in unhealthy relationships to fill voids, and always feel a sense of emptiness and longing for something of significance.
The superwoman schema often exuberates our insecurities, fears, unhappiness, discontentment, disappointment, and sense of unworthiness and inadequateness; it makes us believe the false narratives we’ve created that say we haven’t done enough. Eventually, we work ourselves into a constant state of impaired emotional, physical, spiritual, financial, and psychological turmoil.
So, let’s talk about the ABCs of letting go of this schema, taking off the superwoman cap, catching our breaths, and learning to rest and heal well.
1. Acknowledge that you’ve been carrying too much, weighing you down.
2. Accept that change is essential for you to rest and heal well.
3. Act to change your self-defecting narratives about who you must be to be seen, heard, or respected. You are more than enough!
4. Balance your expectations of yourself with God’s true purpose and plan for your life. God knows you better than you know yourself!
5. Belong in the spaces where God has sent you; stop searching for reasons why you don’t or shouldn’t belong.
6. Be aware of how you judge yourself. Your thoughts about yourself are not the same thoughts God has about you!
7. Cast your cares on God, for he cares for you!
8. Care for yourself similarly to how you care for others; God has commanded that we love ourselves as we love our neighbors. Our actions indicate a strong sense of caring and nurturing when we love someone.
9. Commit to drowning out the enemy with God’s word, standing firm in his promises and fulfillment for your life.
It's time to take off the cape, girl. It’s heavy, weighing you down, holding you back, and getting in the way of what God wants to do…take it off so that you can heal and rest well; you have Kingdom work to do!!
